Ready to Change

Things do not change; we change.
Henry David Thoreau

Dormant I float under the surface of the water. Water flows and dances around me playfully teasing the weight of my clothing. Curled into myself I stay the same.

I lie dormant but not asleep. My eyes are closed but my mind is focused. I wish to open my eyes and swim to the surface. Fear of the water stinging my eyes prevents me from reaching the surface.

I’ve opened my eyes underwater before but fear of the sting causes me to forget and get sucked back deeper. I float under the surface for an unknown amount of time. As I float feelings build up inside me. I switch between feeling content and frustrated with where I’m at. The time between switching shortens as my body builds up energy for the awakening. A feeling of panic strikes me as I realize that I can’t hold my breath anymore. I uncurl myself and begin to rise to the surface. Frantically I kick and pull myself to the surface, the urge to fill my lungs with fresh air drowns out every earlier thought and feeling. Half opened eyes see a rush of bubbles gurgling past me as my eyes feel the sting of change the moment before reaching the surface.

Gasping, my lungs fill up with cold air. I welcome the sting in my lungs as I begin to feel refreshed and refocused on the surface. As I look out and see the beauty of the surface world I’m already feeling the water below me trying to suck me back in. I refuse the waters desires with each kick of my legs. My eyes stumble onto a rocky shore in the distance and I know what I need to do this time to avoid falling dormant under the water again. My arms pull the weight of my body forward as my legs push up and down. Kicking and pulling I work my way towards a rocky shore full of new beginnings.

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In This World I Travel

Traveling through my world of thoughts and feelings, I gather dust. The weight grows until heartache arises. My heart begs me to shake off the dust. I wish to comply but I know that I must wait for the right time. Procrastination is a form of intuition that brings the best possible timing. As I travel and more time passes, I begin to find profound moments in various forms. My perception sharpened as profound moments bring difficult questions. Questions that ask me to define my own thoughts, feelings and even life itself. Questions that trigger the labor pains of writing. Another idea wishing for life through the power of words.

“In this world through which I travel, I am endlessly creating myself.” – Frantz Fanon